E8: "Rooted Joy" with special guest Becky Harling

True Joy is rooted in a relationship with Christ and others. Join me with special guest Becky Harling as she walks us through four aspects of joy highlighted in her first group devotional book  Rooted Joy, part of The Girlfriends  Gathering Series. 

You can find Becky's books and more at www.beckyharling.com

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E8 Rooted Joy With Becky Harling

Jill Lillard  

You're listening to the happiest lives podcast with Jill Lillard. Episode number eight.

Jill Lillard  

Hello everyone. Today, I am here with a special guest, Becky Harling, who has authored many books. She's a best-selling author of many Christian books. And we're going to talk about one today Rooted Joy, which ties in with the Girlfriends Gathering Series. And she's going to tell you a little bit more about that at the end. But since we are talking this month about how to have a happy life, and I knew about her new study, I thought it would be perfect to have her here as a guest. So welcome, Becky. 

Becky Harling  

Hey, it's great to be with you, Jill. I'm excited about this. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes. Well, how do you define rooted joy? 

Becky Harling  

So that is a great place to start it. You know, scientific research shows us that joy is relational in nature. And so God designed us with this need for relationships. And so I define rooted joy as having a deep connection with God, and deep connection with others through friendship, you know, and when we have both of those happening in our lives, our lives are much happier, and much more filled with joy. Because that's designed us that way. So it's all it sounds like it's all relational. It's all good. And relationship is rooted in relationship. You know, first and foremost, obviously, that relationship with Christ is the most important. You know, if you think about John 15, Jesus talks all through that chapter about a Biden mistake connected to me. So when we're connected to Jesus, we know that he's in charge of our lives, he's working all things together for our good. So that gives us a an element of joy there, but then he calls us to be in relationship with other people, we really can't live a life of joy isolated, you know, we we need each other in this and our lives are better, richer, more abundant, more happy with close friends as we live life out together. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes, that is so so very true. Well, I love how you divided the story into four different parts. The story, the study the devotional, you divided it into four different parts, about friendship, humility, discovering your one thing, and peace. And so how did you? How did you decide on these four different aspects to focus on in the study? 

Becky Harling  

Well, for starters, the study goes through the book of Philippians, which is a really short book, right? It has four chapters, Paul's writing to his close friends, he's in jail. And so each of these themes come out of the different chapters. So friendship and affirming your friends, comes out of chapter one. And then humility. Chapter two is all about humility, the humility of Christ, and what that's supposed to look like in our lives. And then chapter three, Paul says, you know, I make it my goal to know one thing, the one thing was Jesus. And then the fourth chapter, of course, we have where Paul says, you know, don't be anxious for anything. And so he really wants us to discover the pathway to peace. So that's where those themes came out of. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes. So in the first, as you focus on the friendship, you alluded to that a little bit when you were talking about joy is very relational. It's it's rooted in those relationships. Can you speak a little bit more to Philippians aspect on friendship and relationshipsthat we we find in there? 

Becky Harling  

Yeah. So God designed us with this need for deep connection, right? Because we're made in the image of God. So the image of God, there's God, the Father, God, the Son and God, the Holy Spirit, and within the Trinity, there's relationship but then God, the Father also wants deep relationship with us. So we're designed for relationship in Philippians. One, it's really interesting because Paul is in jail. I mean, that's would be a crazy place to be right. And yet, as he writes his friends, he's saying things like, I thank God every time I remember you, I'm confident in this very thing, that He who began a good work within you will fill it to completion, you know, he's telling them how wonderful they are. And out of that chapter, we learn a significant element for our friendships. It's the power of affirmation. You know, if you think about your friends, a lot of times every you know, in, particularly in this day and age, a lot of friends are weary or tired, you know, or they're weighed down by financial burdens or by burdens with their kids or other burdens that they have. Now, many of them just need a word of affirmation today. And we see that modeled with Paul because he continually affirms the Philippian. Believers, his friends that lived in Philippi. And so we can learn from that and make our friendships more connected. by just taking the time to say, Hey, I love this about you, you know, maybe it's I love how intentional you are with your kids, or I really love how intentional you are modeling for me a life of prayer, or whatever it is, it could be something like, I love how you decorate your house, the people need those affirmations and that builds our connection with each other. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes, okay. That's so good. Because you think of Paul and his journeys and the things he experienced his mindset and attitude, and faith in the Lord. But yeah, his relationship and encouraging others was such a big aspect that it wasn't separate from his relationships with this bigger body. So I like how you focus on that. Then you also talk about humility, that showing up humble can strengthen our friendships and increase our joy. Why do you think it's so important in our relationships to have a spirit of humility? 

Becky Harling  

Okay, so first of all, I had never discovered this research fact before until I started studying this book. Do you know that I think it was Harvard that put out a whole research study on the fact that people that are humble are actually happier than people who are not humble? So that's intriguing. And then in Philippians, two, Paul says, have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus. And Jesus is our example of humility, when and when you look at that, it's not that Jesus was a doormat to people. It's not that he, you know, just had low self-esteem, no, to the contrary, Jesus knew who he was, he was the very Son of God, He was God. He didn't have to continually reach out to prove that to people. And as a result, he was able to be more focused on people because he knew why he had come. He knew what his purpose was, he knew who he was, when we're humble. We know who we are in what our calling is. We know what our strengths are. But we also know what our limitations are, you know, Jesus had to live within a 24-hour time frame as we do, he had to he was bound in a human body. So he had limitations, we have limitations. And when we are comfortable in that, and we bring that into friendship, our friendships grow deeper, because we're not trying to one-up our friends. We're not trying to prove, Oh, you know, this, that or the other thing, we were comfortable, we know, okay, I'm good at this. I'm not so great at that. And I'm just gonna bring you my humble self. I've got nothing to prove before you, I just want to enjoy you. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes, I think that's one of the most overlooked traits of, you know, characters that we all want to be able to possess too, you know, I think, really to have a more satisfying life. And I think it does, it opens us up. As you said, Jesus was the perfect model, an example. So you also talked about this section about humility, you talked about grumbling and complaining and how that can impact our friendships and, ultimately, our joy. Do you want to speak a little bit more about that? 

Becky Harling  

You know, I do because Paul says, do everything without grumbling and complaining, and you know, he wasn't saying, Don't be vulnerable or real, right? I mean, if you're with a friend, and your friend says, Hey, how are things going with the child you were having a difficult time with? You want to be able to be authentic and honest, so that you can continue to grow towards the Lord. However, here, especially in the West, we tend to grumble a lot, you know, oh, the weather's horrible. I mean, I God was convicting me of this last week, because I live in Colorado Springs, and it's spring, we're well into April. And we can have AD degrees one day and snow the next and that's just wrong. You know, I did done with winter. And then I think, okay, but I'm not the designer of the weather, yet all caught up and complaining. And you notice that people that complain and grumble about every little thing. Friends don't really want to be with them, because it's discouraging. You know, my, my daughter was working in an assisted living place last week, she had to do a special volunteer project there. And she went to deliver a meal to one of the residents and the person who was supervising her said, Oh, this resident is part of the mean girls. And that means like, Well, what do you mean? And she said, Well, they're just mean that complaint about Every Yeah. Back up, you know, the round you if you're complaining about everything if like, Trevor good. That's a problem. 

Jill Lillard  

Yeah. And so what do you think the difference is between being vulnerable and complaining?

Becky Harling  

So I think when you're vulnerable, you first of all, you choose who you're going to be vulnerable with. Right? And so if you have close friends, which I hope you do, you can say, hey, I really need prayer. Today I'm struggling with anxiety, or I'm really struggling with my teenage kid, or I'm really struggling with this standard. The other thing and you can pray together, grumbling and complaining is like when you're in the Starbucks line, and there's 12 people in front of you. Oh, why is it so long in this line? It's just taking forever, I just want to get through here, you know, and you're complaining or complaining can be you know, about the place where you work? If I asked you every day for a year, how work is in every single day, you tell me how awful it is, you know, it might be time to look for a new job, because you're complaining about it continually. 

Jill Lillard  

Yeah, yeah. And I think, would you're talking about like complaining, it's like, you're talking about everything outside of you? Well, I think with vulnerability, you're sharing a little bit of yourself, right? And so on. In those ways. It's kind of the opposite. But I mean, I think that's a really good point you brought up because I think sometimes we complain, because we're like, Well, I just, I'm not going to be fake, I'm not going to pretend, you know, I want to be real authentic about that. And so I think we could probably do a whole podcast on that on what it means to be authentic. And the difference between complaining about stuff and you know, being vulnerable. So we also talk about the one thing that Paul writes that knowing Christ is is one thing, so how can we encourage each other as friends to pursue Christ as our one thing without coming across as judgmental preachy? 

Becky Harling  

Yeah, I think that's a really good question. Because I we, as close friends, and again, this material is designed for close friends to do together. So you're on a spiritual journey together, and you don't want to judge each other. Like, I don't want to say to you, Jill, I know that you are not spending enough time, you know, in the Bible every day, that's judgy, right? But if I say, hey, why don't we connect once or twice a month, and just see what both of us are learning about the Lord in the season or how he's growing us? That's a lot more soft. And it's inviting, right? And then questions like, How can I pray for you, Jill, today, I, you know, or sending a text message, like you're really on my heart this morning is there's something specific I can be praying about. Or you could decide as girlfriends to join a small group together or become a small group and say, Hey, we're gonna just journey into Christ more deeply together, because we realize we are better together. So we're not going to judge each other. But we're just going to encourage each other in our journeys towards making Christ are one thing. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes. Okay, that's good. Yeah. I always like practical application of okay, how do we do this? What does it look like? And so you give us some good, some good things there. So the last section in your study, the last session that you offer for the ladies is the the section on peace. And so anxiety robs so many of us a peace and joy. And you outline a plan for peace in the book. And so tell us a little bit about that plan. And if you have an example of a time when you apply that for yourself. 

Becky Harling  

Yeah. So I think it's important to start this by saying, you know, Paul wrote, Be anxious for nothing. And we look at that, and we think, Oh, man, I'm failing. So then we add guilt to the whole thing, right? Because we struggle with anxiety. But really, if you analyze the Greek there, it means to not continue in anxiety. So that's why a plan is really important. And so the plan that I outlined in the book is process first, come to grips with the fact that you are feeling anxious, you know, be aware of your body, like, if your body is off.  Obviously, there's something going on, you know, be aware of triggers. So, okay, if I'm triggered, you know, if I was in a car accident, and then I'm out driving, I can get triggered and I can get tense and anxiety can happen. So I process where that's coming from. And then I pray immediately, I learned to take it to the Lord, Lord, right now I'm feeling anxious, or I'm feeling fear, or I'm feeling worried, or I'm feeling frazzled. You know, all of those are kind of wrapped up in anxiety. And then the third part of the process is learning to praise God for who he is, and for what he can bring you in your ear. Anxiety, you know, because he can bring you peace. And as we praise him, there's a shift in our brain chemistry. And, and peace is the net result. So actually, you asked me to share an example and I'm gonna go back to that car accident example. This is very fresh, like, probably two months ago, I was in a car accident, and it was traumatic. I mean, I'm thankful that I wasn't hurt. My car was definitely bracht. But then I came home and I told my husband, I don't want to drive. And he said, Well, you really need to drive which is true. We can't do our lives without driving. Right? Yeah. So he's like, okay, so take my car and go somewhere, you know, go to Starbucks or go to Target or go somewhere, right? Or I can go with you. He's like, but you kind of need to do it right away so that you get over this, right. So I got in his car to drive it. And I could feel the anxiety taking over me. And so I was like, Okay, I'm gonna stop and work my plan, Lord, I'm really anxious. I keep hearing in my mind, that crash, I feel afraid to drive. But I know you want me to drive because we can't do our lives. So that may dry Yeah. So Lord, I pray that you would just bring peace and calm into this. And then I started praising God, as I put the car in drive, Lord, I thank you that you're going to help me to be present. As I'm driving, I praise you that you are surrounding my car, as I'm driving, I praise you that I'm doing it. And I'm not just paralyzed in my driveway, you know, praise Tim. The Holy Spirit brought me calm as I was driving. Now, I might need to rework that plan again and again and again. Yes, it does work. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes. Okay, that's so good. We have a similar thing that we use inside of the happiest lives called the Four the four Ps. And it starts with panic, panic, pause, pray and praise. And, you know, I love that because you have a concrete way of like, anytime you have a problem like that, like you know what to do, you just, you hit the pause, you pray about it, and then you move into praise, which that's a big thing with with you, you have several books about about praise and ways that we can make praise part of our lives. I always like that you include music in part of your studies, which you do in the girlfriends gathering series. And so maybe let's just talk about a little bit about that. So the the concepts you've talked, given us just a little peek into the four little sessions in that is found in rooted joy. But this book, this study, is part of a series called the girlfriends gathering, which I think was such a sweet, fun idea how you put all that together. Can you tell us a little bit about that? 

Becky Harling  

Yeah. So in 2019, three of my friends, we all met here in Colorado Springs, just for like a girlfriends retreat, right. And over that weekend, we drove and saw the leaves changing. We sat around my one friend's living room and opened our Bibles and talked about what God was teaching us. We prayed for each other. We laughed, we cried. I mean, we just had such a deep time for that whole weekend. And then in 2020, COVID hit and I began to wonder, are live events coming back? And if they do, do women still crave the big event? Now? Maybe they do. And I still really enjoy those big events. But I started to dream about what would happen if I created some material that girlfriends could use for a weekend retreat together, you know, so maybe like for you, Jill, you gather like five or six of your really close friends. And you'd be like, Okay, let's go somewhere and just have our own little girlfriends gathering, you know. And so, this material is designed for friends, and so it includes questions that help you be vulnerable. It includes these Bible passages and some music, but it also includes questions to get you to really authentically share what you're going through. It includes suggested girlfriend activities that you can do together that go around the theme of that session. It It also includes a blessing at the end of each session where you can bless each other as friends. And then this series will have each book will have 410 minute videos that girlfriends can watch together. So Rudy joy has 410 minute videos that go along with it. I Um, and so yeah, it's designed to help women Connect? Because we need those deep close connected friends. 

Jill Lillard  

Yes. Okay, that's so good. Yeah, my wheels are, are spinning here. Because I always do I always do an annual retreat at my house with our academy graduates, our VIP members, those who have gone through my intensive program. So I usually do a lot of planning for the content for that. And it's something that's just it's completely free for the for the ladies to come. And so as I'm hearing about your girlfriend gathering series, I'm like, Huh, I wonder if we could use one of those for our weekend as far as just kind of the meat the meat for the weekend, and you worry putting it together. 

Becky Harling  

So that way, like when you get this book, if people get the book rooted joy, they'll notice, wow, like this is pretty short. It's short on purpose, because this meant to be a guide for a weekend. Or you could do it as a four week Bible study. And then at the end, there's a seven day devotional follow up plan that all the girlfriends will each do individually on their own. I love that. Okay, connect and say, Okay, this is what I got out of this, or what did you get out of this? You know? Yeah. So it's just a way to stay connected? 

Jill Lillard  

That's good. Okay, well, and then I'm excited to see I know, this is number one in the series. So I'm gonna I'm really excited to see what the next ones are, that are coming out, in addition to this, 

Becky Harling  

so yeah, so when will come out in 2024? And one month 2025. 

Jill Lillard  

Okay, that's awesome. Yeah, well tell all of our listeners where they can find your books where they can connect with you. And I will include this in the show notes. So if you if you're driving, it'll just go back and look at the show notes. But go ahead and tell us where they can go. 

Becky Harling  

Yeah, so the best place to connect with me is at Becky harling.com. And definitely sign up for my weekly devotional, it lands in your inbox every Monday morning, and it'll always it's something fresh, usually right out of my own personal quiet time or whatever God's doing in my life. And then it usually updates you on what the connected mom podcast is going to be about this week. I'm the host of the connected mom podcast. So that's included in there and anything coming up is included in there. So definitely connect with me at my website. Sign up for that devotional. I think there's a couple of free gifts up on my website right now. You can find me on Instagram at at Becky Harling. You can find me on Facebook Becky herlings Speaker author, but I think it's Becky Harling Ministries for my author speaker page on Facebook. So yeah, I love to connect with people. So please do connect. And yeah, and you can get this book and the rest of my books wherever Christian books are sold. 

Jill Lillard  

Okay. So you can find it on Amazon. Yeah, a Christian book distributors are all the places. Okay. All the places. Awesome. So good. Well, Becky, thank you. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. It's always fun to see you and get to hang out with you. 

Becky Harling  

Thanks. Thanks for having me, Jill. It's good to see you too. This is very fun. 

Jill Lillard 

Ah, all right. Well, you have a greatrest of your week or weekend for those who are listening on a Friday. And thank you guys for joining us today.