This is part 3 of the series 5 Worthy Transformations.
Are you tired of the constant self-doubt and confusion that arises from indecisiveness? In today's episode, I help you squash your insecurities through understanding powerful decision-making. Imagine making a decision and having your own back.- no more second-guessing. When you embrace the freedom to make choices, knowing that there isn't always one right decision, and take full responsibility for the decision you are making, knowing the Lord is directing your paths, you will experience greater freedom and movement in your life.
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Enrollment opens once a year, and the program runs Jan-May 2024.
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You are listening to the Happiest Lives podcast with Jill Lillard, episode number 29. Welcome to the Happiest Lives podcast, where you'll learn to think better, feel better and become the woman God says you already are. Here's your host, jill Lillard. Hi friends, welcome back to today's podcast. This is part three of the series Five Worthy Transformations, and we're going to talk about making powerful decisions. When I considered what transformations I would offer women inside the Happiest Lives Academy, I knew the decision-making skill set would be included. Too many of us have wasted time doubting the decisions we made. I've watched women endlessly spinning their wills in confusion and then finally making a decision, only to face a hurdle and then go back to confusion assessing that they made the wrong decision. When we can have a process to make a decision and then have our back after we've made the decision, then we're going to free up so much energy that is wasted questioning ourselves. We will create more action in our lives when we spend less time contemplating, considering and questioning decisions that we already made. In month three of the academy, you will identify a decision that you need to make and by the time the month ends, you will have made that decision and supported yourself in honoring it. This may begin by evaluating an area where you believe you have been living in indecision. Now I think indecision isn't even a real thing. Whatever you currently are doing, that's a decision. You may say you are undecided, yet whatever you're doing right now, right here, that is the decision by default. Not making decision A is defaulting to decision B, which is a choice. I want to help you own the current decision you are making and be able to articulate why you are making that decision. If you don't like that decision, if you're saying no, that is not the decision I want to be making, then I'm going to take you through the process of re-deciding and reassessing your decisions based on new data. Just because you make a decision doesn't mean you're stuck with it for the rest of your life. When I say having your back on your decision, I don't mean you're obligated to that decision forever. You can set up points of re-evaluation so you can commit to this decision again or make a new one. Maybe you decide to go all in on a decision and you schedule a planned re-evaluation in three months where you examine that choice based on new information. This is something that I will suggest to couples who come in for therapy and maybe one of them is really on the fence about whether they even want to be in the relationship. Maybe they've been on the brink of divorce, maybe both of them are in that place. They're coming in to a place where it feels like they're walking the line. They're not fully engaged in their relationship and they're not fully checked out. They're trying to ride the fence. You know what happens when you ride the fence you split your pants and it probably does not feel really good. We want to get on one side of the fence deciding or the other side. Either we're in or we're out. I tell people if you're going to work with me, I want you to be fully committed. If you say that you want to work on your marriage, then you really have to work on your marriage or you will only be wasting your time. I ask them to commit for a period. Let's just take the next three months. Can you be 100% in and put all your energy into effort, into being married to this person, leaning into love, being transparent, turning toward being willing to release bitterness? Whatever it is that they feel they need to work on? Saying yes? That would be a decision. They wouldn't have to know how to do the work. That's my job. If they hired me, that's what I'm gonna help them do. However, they would commit to their part and being coached and following the interventions, rather than spending energy and confusion and doubt, they would plan a re-evaluation in three months where they reassessed and re-decided their commitment to one another. I think, even if you're someone who knows you're going to be married your whole entire life for instance, you have no intention of ever divorcing I still think it's a good idea to re-decide your marriage every year, to proclaim and declare that I want to be in this relationship, because if you want to be in something, you should do your best to enjoy it. Why not make it the best it can be? Why not own your yes and how you are showing up in that situation that you are choosing? A lot of times we are making decisions, but we start having the attitude that it's happening to us against our will. We don't really own or love our decisions. We're not living in the fullness of that decision. We're just responding as though it's a sentence we're under. And so, as you make decisions, you want to take responsibility for them. You want to go all in on your decision. Knowing your reason, why you chose something. That is super important. When you've made a decision, you can expect that challenges are going to come up and if you don't know your why, you are going to be blown away by the challenges. There's going to be hurdles and things that come up that make you question and doubt your decision. So expect those things to be there. Nothing's gone wrong. Know why you made the decision. Knowing that is going to help you not get stuck in confusion. This is how you can have your back when the going gets tough, when it gets challenging, when it's an uphill climb. The Lord will lead us and guide us as we make decisions. He cares about our lives. He gives us his word so that we can know his thoughts, what is right and good, and he gives us a relationship with him as his spirit dwells inside us. So he will give us wisdom as we ask. All of that said, I think he gives you the freedom to make many choices in your life. I imagine it like he has given us each a canvas to paint and so much freedom to do that in a way that we desire. This is his gift of free will. He has created us with different personalities and given us different life experiences, so that not one of us is exactly like someone else, and so what we put on our canvas will not look the same as what somebody else puts on their canvas. We have this freedom. Many times we're looking for the right decision and there's not one. If we believe there is one right decision in every situation, we squelch the possibility of diversity in God's creation. We start to downgrade ourselves from image bearers to robots. We undermine the capacities and tendencies God placed within our DNA and stop having fun as we make decisions. When we believe there is one right way to do things, we're going to always doubt, in question, wondering if we made the right decision, and it will be really easy to find evidence that we made the wrong one. We never fully can have peace in the decisions that we make when we're doubting. But what if you prayed about the decisions you were making? You asked the Lord to lead you and guide you. Maybe you sought out some wise counsel and you asked some questions so that you had all the information when making the decision. Even so, maybe you didn't feel a strong direction either way, and so you simply picked one. Once you have gone through that process and made the best decision. You know how there comes the point where you just have to decide that the Lord was with you when you made the decision and that whatever decision you made, it was a good decision. He will use it for your good and His glory. Even if you don't get the result that you had hoped for, you get information to glean and grow from, and that way, making that decision was a good thing. I had a couple recently and they had made a decision to build a house. They had designed their dream home. The wife was actually an engineer and had a big hand in making their dream a reality. But as time progressed, they began to doubt and question the decision to build. There were doubts because of the economy. The economy was changing and by the time they finished the house, the interest rates had soared. They started telling themselves this was a mistake to build, even though they did not want to back out or sell the home to someone else. They could reevaluate their decision based on new data and consider their options. But if they chose to stay in the house, they should also decide to have their back on this decision, rather than thinking it was a costly mistake. Or they could choose to sell the house but not regret their decision to build in the first place. That would be having their back on their decisions and seeing the gain from the choice they made, even if they changed their mind based on new data. I asked the husband so you think you made the wrong decision, but what if you had decided not to build the house? Where would you be today? Would you be at peace with that decision not to build? His answer was no. He said they would have thought they made the wrong decision. They would be thinking about that house and wanting to build it and regretting why they had never acted sooner as the market became even more expensive. So when you make a decision today, you are moving into reality for tomorrow. Decide no matter what you choose. It will be amazing and then have your back as you follow through Trust. The Lord is with you and he works all things out for good. We don't have to be able to control all the circumstances in the world to make good decisions. We can't possibly know all the variables that will come into play, but we can trust in God's goodness and his partnership in our life. He wastes nothing and as we turn toward him. We get to see him work in all things. I think of so many decisions in my life that put me on the path where I am today. One choice positioned me for another. I actually traced back my children to a decision I made when I was 19 years old, 11 years prior to my first son being born. The decision to switch colleges and go to Mizzou positioned me to learn of a campus ministry, RUF. In RUF I learned of Covenant Seminary, where I decided to go in St Louis and get my master's degree. Once in St Louis I found a job at Children's Division where I met my husband. Had I never switched from SMS to Mizzou when I was 19, I cannot imagine I would have met rich. Yet I did, and maybe somehow it would have happened. But one opportunity and decision led to another, and I believe, though I exercised the freedom of choice. God's hand was in it all In my career path. I see decisions I made along the way that led me through the back door into life coaching and marriage counseling. It's incredible how seemingly insignificant choices paved my life path. It is a testimony to God's faithfulness and goodness as he partners in our lives, even as he gives us free. Will His plans unfold. Everything can keep us from His love. God is with you, he's leading you and he is guiding you in all things. Stop wasting time worrying about the decisions you made and the decisions you will make. Stop procrastinating and hiding from the fear of failing by making the wrong decision. Ask for wisdom and then believe he has given it to you and then enjoy the fruit of your decisions, watered with God's goodness. I want to leave you with a scripture passage from James 1, 5 through 6. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. I am so thankful that I can ask for wisdom and God gives it to me, and I'm thankful that even when I don't heed His word and rebel against what I know, he always offers me forgiveness and redeems the messes I make. I encourage you if you have asked for wisdom, believe God has given it to you. Stop doubting, stop going back to confusion. Move forward into action. Thank you, guys for joining me today and don't forget that I would love for you to join me inside the Happiest Lives Academy. It only opens once a year and enrollment is currently happening. We're going to start January 1st and run through May. A new transformation unlocks each month inside the Academy and I will surround you with all the tools, direction and support you need Myself and Coach Stephanie and then you guys will be there for each other and I'm going to be there for you and with you every step of the way. It's a life-changing endeavor. You won't regret it. If you have any questions, please email me at Jill at thehappiestlivescom, and I'm happy to answer your questions or to get on a call with you for a consult if that would be helpful for you in making that decision. Thank you, guys for listening today. Tune in next week for transformation number four, which I have entitled Calm Conversations. Until then, keep making powerful decisions. See you soon.