E25: Engage: Your Emotions Are An Invitation

Today we discuss  step 3 of The Heart Scan Process: ENGAGE.  Are your emotions ruling your life or shaping your relationship with God?  Take a step back as we explore  the profound connection between our feelings and our faith.  We unravel how our emotions act as an invitation to foster a deeper understanding of ourselves and fortify our bond with our Creator. 

I introduce the Four P’s for navigating emotions, a roadmap to deciphering and dealing with our feelings. We discuss how panic often clouds our judgment and how taking a pause helps us accept and understand the emotion. We shed light on how prayer and praise can be potent weapons to combat anxiety and bring an oasis of peace. 

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Engaging With Your Emotions

Speaker 1 0:00

You are listening to the Happiest Lives Podcast with Jill Lillard , episode number 25 . Welcome to the Happiest Lives Podcast , where you'll learn to think better , feel better and become the woman God says you already are . Here's your host , jill Lillard . Welcome back to the Happiest Lives Podcast and the HeartScan series . Today we are going to discuss the third part of the HeartScan process engage . I have a subtitle . This your Emotions Are an Invitation . Have you ever thought about that ? Emotions invite you to look at your heart and engage with the heart of God . Your feelings are calling for a response . They are there to be experienced , and today I'm going to show you why this is true and how to accept the invitation . To review .

Speaker 1 0:52

In the first week we learned step one of heart scanning how to expose a problem . In this part of heart scanning is where we ask the Lord to search our hearts as we willingly turn on the lights to see what we might be missing . You can use the self-coaching model to help you organize your problems and focus on one thought at a time . To do a model . I taught you to separate the facts from your thoughts , then to identify the feeling a thought generates and the actions you take when you're having that feeling . You will then see that the result created is not due to the circumstance but because of your thoughts about the situation . This is a really fun and interesting way to expose the problem and understand the real reason you're getting the results you are .

Speaker 1 1:47

The next step is renew . Here we ask what else is possible . So first we want to assess if our thoughts are serving us . We're going to look at the result we're getting when we think that , and if that thought is not serving us , then we are going to consider what result would we like to experience instead . Now , this is our result . We can't put a result that is created for somebody else because that would be getting into their model . So , hopefully , as a believer , you , preemptively , are always renewing your mind each day as you intentionally read God's word , and as you do you're planting seeds that are going to take root in your heart . This ongoing commitment and willingness positions us for perpetual renewal and it provides thoughts that the Holy Spirit can speak to us when we need those truths . In this part of heart scanning , you can create a new intentional model to replace your unintentional model by going down to the results line and reverse engineering a new thought If you don't know what I'm talking about or you aren't sure how to do a model , you can go back and listen to the previous two podcasts or , better yet , you can join me .

Speaker 1 3:04

You should join me at my favorite week of the whole year Heart Scan Week . It is the last week in October . It's only $27 and you are going to get daily coaching access to me as we take this work and we're going to apply it to real problems . We're going to do some actual models . We're going to expose , renew , engage and press on . I'm going to show you how we do that with things that are going on in your life , so you can come and get coached , or you can just come and watch others get coached , which is super powerful . It's going to be amazing . And so you can sign up at myhappyfaultcom and , if you're listening to this podcast after the fact , I do it again every year and you can still learn more about the heart scan and get coaching in my other coaching program , clarity and Courage , where we are going to apply this work all year long . So this brings us to the third stage of the heart scan , which is engage .

Speaker 1 3:59

In this phase , I encourage you to experience your emotions coming to the Lord as you are . When we receive negative emotions as an invitation to pause and connect intimately , we can draw near to God with our whole hearts , experiencing him as our comforter , corrector and the lifter of our heads . Sometimes we check out and disconnect emotionally by filling ourselves with substances cookies , cakes , alcohol , drugs or activities that are going to quiet that vibration that we feel inside of us . In other times , we may try and power our way to a new thought by resisting and dismissing the unwanted emotion . So neither of these strategies are going to work for the long term , as you will end up experiencing a net negative consequence when you're buffering your emotions , when you're resisting them and you're not willing to fill them . When you try to power your way to a new thought , like you're trying to run out of your emotions , you're going to find it possible to sustain that .

Speaker 1 5:09

As a young adult and a newly licensed therapist , I remember trying to figure out the role of emotions in my life , for myself and for my clients . I wasn't sure what it meant to feel an emotion without indulging it , and yet I knew that thought swapping and dismissing and suppressing my emotions wasn't working either . I knew when others minimized or tried to talk me out of my feelings . I only wanted to hold on to them more . In my research , interactions , observations with clients and personal experiences , I discovered that being willing to feel emotions is essential to being human . Being emotionally attuned contributes to our well-being , personal growth and meaningful connections .

Speaker 1 5:52

The alternative to accepting emotions is to simply ignore them . And when we dismiss our feelings , when we ignore them , pretend they're not there , when we try to push them down , we end up doing really that same thing with other people's feelings and we miss out on opportunities for intimate connections . As we disconnect , we may even mute the voice of the Holy Spirit , disconnecting from what's happening inside us . We tend to focus on getting the actions right . We clean the outside of the dish , but we ignore what's going on in our heart .

Speaker 1 6:27

Emotions are a natural part of being human and acknowledging them allows us to live authentically . When we receive emotion as an invitation to engage , we develop a deeper understanding of who God is , who we are and who other people are . So if you're white-knuckling your way to a new thought , if you're unwilling to feel an emotion , you will find that you get stuck in that unintentional model . This is because we cannot outrun ourselves . We cannot outrun our feelings . Eventually they catch up , eventually they will be heard . It's unsustainable to create a new result by sheer willpower , as our willpower eventually will run out . So emotions often are carrying a message that guide us toward addressing unresolved issues and finding closure .

Speaker 1 7:18

Allowing ourselves to feel sadness , anger , grief and other challenging emotions is going to provide an opportunity for healing and , because our thoughts create feelings , acknowledging them helps us identify what is happening in our minds . Empathy is built on recognizing and resonating with the emotions of other people , so sharing emotions with others is going to foster empathy , compassion and understanding . We create authentic connections and build stronger relationships when we express our feelings openly . Thank you . Emotions can be a wellspring of creativity , an artistic expression . Many artists , writers , musicians , different creators out there will draw inspiration from their own emotions and they produce powerful and evocative works that so many of us enjoy .

Speaker 1 8:15

Tuning into my emotions leads me to moments of introspection , prayer , meditation and a more profound connection with the Holy Spirit . Coming to God as I am , I leave changed , which inspires secondary feelings of awe , gratitude and reverence , because our mind , emotions and body are interconnected . Suppressing emotions can lead to stress , tension and even physical health issues . However , when we allow ourselves to feel and express feelings that will contribute to an overall better health . Emotions are part of the human experience and in fact they are part of a God experience . We are made in God's image and as we study scripture , we can see that God himself expresses emotion . There are numerous instances in the Bible demonstrating God having a range of feelings such as love , compassion , anger , grief and joy .

Speaker 1 9:14

In the New Testament there are several instances where Jesus is depicted as experiencing and expressing emotions . One of the most well-known instances is when he weeps at the death of his friend Lazarus , and in the Gospel of Mark , chapter 3 , verse 1 through 6 , there's a story where Jesus becomes angry at the hardness of heart exhibited by religious leaders when they start to challenge him about healing on the Sabbath . Throughout the Gospels , there are numerous instances where Jesus shows compassion and love towards people . For example , matthew 936 says when he saw the crowds he had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd . This highlights his empathy for those who are suffering .

Speaker 1 10:00

In the Gospel of Matthew , chapter 26 , verse 36 through 39 , there is a poignant moment when Jesus expresses a deep distress and sorrow in the Garden of Gethsemane shortly before his arrest and crucifixion Quote . Then he said to them my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death . Stay here and keep watch with me . Going a little further , he fell with his face to the ground and prayed my father , if it is possible , may this cup be taken from me . Yet not as I will , but as you will . In Matthew 2746 , we read that Jesus felt forsaken as he hung on the cross and cried out to his father my God , my God , why have you forsaken me ? These are just a few examples , but they illustrate that the New Testament portrays Jesus as a complex figure who experiences various human emotions , including sorrow , anger , compassion and distress , even though he was God . So if Christ felt this way , then it is not unspiritual for us to feel these things . So the next thing I want to address is how do you feel Now ? I don't mean how you feel right now , though I think that is an excellent question to ask yourself . I mean , how do you experience emotions ? What is an effective and productive way to engage with a feeling Inside

The Four Ps for Approaching Feelings

Speaker 1 11:27

the happiest lives ?

Speaker 1 11:27

We devised the four Ps to approach feelings . They are panic , pause , pray and praise , often when we even slightly notice an unwanted emotion , we panic about it . Our instinct is that we shouldn't feel that way . So whether you try to silence the emotion by talking bad about someone else , going on a shopping spree , drinking a bottle of wine , eating a pint of ice cream , checking out for hours on social media or Netflix , or white-knuckling your way to a new thought , you want to be willing to become aware of that resistance , that buffering behavior , so that you're noticing it , so that you can hit pause . The only way we can hit pause is we have to be aware we want to stop the buffering . We want to sit still . We want to welcome the emotion , to come on in and have a seat . This is the pause . You never have to obey the feeling . I don't want you to indulge the feeling , but locking it out is equally harmful .

Speaker 1 12:37

Emotions can be quite skillful and crafty and if ignored , they will find a way to be heard , whether through tension in your body , headaches , nausea , or you unexpectedly lash out at a stranger . Keep this in mind Feelings are harmless . Feelings can't hurt you . Okay , they're harmless . It is your ongoing unconscious resisting and reacting . That's what gets you in trouble , not the feeling itself . Buffering a feeling may bring relief for a moment , but it creates a net negative consequence in the long haul .

Speaker 1 13:16

So , to pause a feeling , I personally like to set a timer for 10 minutes and then I find a place to sit down . So I notice maybe some tension in my body , or I am aware of a specific emotion that I'm feeling , or maybe I know a thought triggered me , and so as soon as I notice that , then I will intentionally go and sit down , or maybe I have a habit of being bored and I don't want to be bored , and so then I might go bake cookies or eat something to stop the boredom . Waste my time doing stupid things when I have things that I need to do , right , so that may be a time where I may just go . Okay , I'm just going to sit still here for 10 minutes and feel that boredom . Why do I not want to feel that boredom ? I've even been known to stop dead in my tracks and lay on the floor as I created a dramatic and clear pause . Okay , that happened one time when I had such intense emotion and when I laid there on the floor and went through the process . I'm going to tell you about a feeling , the feeling and I didn't even have to stay there the whole 10 minutes . Really , within probably five or six minutes , that feeling had completely dissipated . It was so amazing , because that feeling was so intense I didn't think I could go on with my day , and so that was a pretty cool experience . So , as I pause the moment in my reaction to the feeling and just let the timer manage my time , I'll take some breaths and I will just try to be right there in the here and now .

Speaker 1 14:47

I am mentally staying in my body by observing what I'm physically feeling . I'm experiencing the motion , I'm tuning into the sensations . I may notice where the feeling is located is in my chest or my stomach . A lot of times I'll feel it in my throat . Some people might feel it more in their hands or their head . I notice that there's movement or if it's more of a heavy weight . I know one time I had an emotion and it just felt like a vortex in my chest , and that vortex kind of became smaller and smaller and then it kind of worked its way down my stomach and down my legs until it just eventually vanished . I notice if it feels tight or if it's more of a racing feeling .

Speaker 1 16:47

So try not to overthink anything but just observe your body , observe those internal sensations , and thoughts will offer themselves to you . You will have assessments about what you're doing right there in the moment . Your mind may want to go to the situation that upset you , so you don't have to fight off those thoughts . They are invited to , they get to be there . Just gently , let them drift almost like clouds above you , just let them kind of drift by and just when you notice that , bring your mind back to your body .

Speaker 1 17:18

Experiencing the feeling is very different than getting caught up in the thoughts about the events that cause the feelings . So allowing emotion isn't continuing to assess the situation or even trying to identify what you're upset about , whether it's boredom , anxiety , hurt or anger . You want to pause and watch yourself having the feeling as you sit there . Pretend you're describing the sensations to a doctor , so you're tuning into what actually is happening in your body and maybe trying to put words to it to describe it . You will notice that there is going to be movement with the feeling . You're going to notice it starts to decrease in intensity and eventually it's going to completely dissipate . As it works , it's way through . So feel free to stay longer if you're still processing the feeling . When the timer goes off , you want to give yourself time to let the feeling move through , and you don't even have to use a timer . This is just a little hack that helps me be present in the moment and not concern myself with the time . So we notice the panic or resistance to the feeling and then we pause .

Speaker 1 18:24

The third P is pray . Philippians 4-6-7, . Do not be anxious about anything , but in every situation , by prayer and petition , with Thanksgiving , present your request to God and the peace of God , which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus . Notice this prayer starts with anxiety when we feel anxious . We don't want to be anxious . As soon as we notice we're having a thought that causes anxiety , or as soon as we notice the feeling of anxiety , or as soon as we notice that we're acting out of our anxiety , we hit pause . That awareness becomes the cue to pause and get still in our spirit . This passage directs us to present our request to God in all our circumstances , all our situations , and we do so with praise and thanksgiving . The result this promises us is that we will experience the peace of God which transcends all understanding . Jesus will guard our hearts and our minds In his compassion and goodness .

Speaker 1 19:33

God shows us a spiritually healthy way to relate to him and express our feelings , no matter what we feel . We find this in the Psalms . It is a beautiful template for navigating emotion . As we read the book , we are witnessing what is going on in the hearts of people who walk with the Lord and face various emotions . God is giving us permission to make complaints . He even gives us the words to do so , as the Psalms comes to God as he is . If you struggle to find the words to express your feelings , you can find them in the Psalms . This book reminds us that God wants our hearts and he wants our whole self . He is a relational God . He uses this emotional part of ourselves as a portal to him . Our feelings are an invitation to pause and experience his presence . And he doesn't just want my heart . His heart is with me . Use the Psalms to enter into God's presence and talk to God about your longings , fears and pain . Our emotions are not the final word . We aren't parking there . They are a place we pass through . As we read the Psalms , we see that they descend sometimes into those depths of despair , but they are followed by an ascent , that focuses on God's presence , goodness and faithfulness and that brings us to the fourth and final P phrase .

Speaker 1 21:03

The Bible speaks of spiritual warfare , where believers battle against the spiritual forces of darkness . Ephesians 612 says for our struggle is not against flesh and blood , but against the rulers , against the authorities , against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil and the heavenly realms . Praise can be seen as a weapon in this battle , because it shifts our focus off of ourselves and the challenges we face onto the greatness and power of God . By praising God amid difficulties , we declare our trust in His sovereignty and authority over every situation . Praise can lift our spirits and combat discouragement . In Psalms 4211 , the Psalms says why , my soul , are you downcast ? Why so disturbed within me ? Put your hope in God , for I will yet praise Him , my Savior and my God . In the Psalms , he is speaking to His very soul , instructing it what to do . Praising God in difficult times can help dispel hopelessness and renew our hope and strength . Praise can change the spiritual atmosphere around us .

Speaker 1 22:14

In 2 Chronicles 20-22 , one of my favorite stories you should go read the whole story , but Jehoshaphat's victory illustrates this . As they begin to sing and praise . The Lord set ambushes against the men of Amon and Moab and Mount Seer who were invading Judah , and they were defeated . Praise can release the presence and power of God , leading to breakthroughs in seemingly impossible situations . Praise directs our attention to the truth of who God is and what he has done . When we praise God for his character , faithfulness and past victories , we are strengthening our faith . We're aligning ourselves with his perspective , and this is helping us overcome doubt and fear . In Psalms 22-3 , it says Yet you are holy and thrown on the praises of Israel . Praise invites the presence of God into our life and situations . When we magnify God through praise , we allow his power and glory to manifest . Praise is closely connected to gratitude . When we cultivate a heart of thanksgiving and praise , we become more content and less focused on the negatives , a mindset shift that can significantly impact our overall well-being . It's important to note that praise isn't just about uttering words . It's about the condition of the heart . Genuine praise comes from a sincere and surrendered heart that acknowledges God's greatness regardless of our circumstances .

Speaker 1 23:42

When I'm moving from where I am to where I want to be , it's not a quick check off list . Do this thing and then you're done . Follow these 12 steps and then you get this result . Now , sometimes I can have an unintentional model and I can create a new intentional model identifying a new belief , and it seems like that new model just takes form , that it's quick for me to believe it and I can take those actions and get that new result . But a lot of the time I find that it is more of a process where I'm holding space for my unintentional model even as I move into the new , that I have to be willing to feel that feeling and connect to the Lord , connect to the Holy Spirit , in the process of my change , in growth .

Speaker 1 24:26

In this space between the two models , I find that the Lord is binding my heart to His . I call this the

The Sea of Suffering and Surrender

Speaker 1 24:32

Sea of Suffering , which is also known as the Sea of Surrender , and I'll talk a little bit more about that next week on Next Week's Podcast . I am so grateful that the Lord binds my heart to His . I'm thankful that he turns my suffering into surrender . More than a writing at my desire destination is the gift of knowing God , knowing His heart and Him wanting my heart , knowing he wants my heart . I'm so thankful when I cry to the Lord for help that he hears my prayer as I turn toward Jesus and wait on Him or maybe he's actually waiting on me . It may feel like nothing is happening , but don't be fooled the most important work of our hearts being knitted to His is taking place as we willfully and continually turn toward Him . When I feel weak , I'm being made strong . This is the part of the process where I engage .

Speaker 1 25:25

Thank you all for joining me today . I hope to meet you in the HeartScan workshop . I would love to put some faces with you guys . I would love to talk to you . It starts on Monday , monday the 23rd , and it's going to go all week over Zoom . We're also going to have a private Slack group . You can sign up at myhappyvaultcom . There will be call replays to those who sign up . It's going to be an epic week . It's only $27 for a ton of support . I can't wait to see you guys there .