Can you trust in God's goodness and sovereignty, even when the road seems rough?
What does it look like to let go of how you think things should be without giving up hope?
The pathway to surrender often involves suffering. We must be willing to feel our pain and gently move to a place of trust. The alternative is powering our way through which leads us to greater self-reliance, exhaustion, and frustration, rather than greater dependency on Jesus.
In this episode, I give you tips for how to hit pause on reacting to your pain, and instead move into the sea of suffering which leads to surrender, which unleashes rest and expectant joy knowing God has good things for you.
If you are ready to become the woman God says you already are, you have to join me in Clarity+Courage, my cost-effective coaching group for Christian women.
Learn more and enroll at www.myhappyvault.com/clarityandcourage
Questions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
Can you trust in God's goodness and sovereignty, even when the road seems rough?
What does it look like to let go of how you think things should be without giving up hope?
The pathway to surrender often involves suffering. We must be willing to feel our pain and gently move to a place of trust. The alternative is powering our way through which leads us to greater self-reliance, exhaustion, and frustration, rather than greater dependency on Jesus.
In this episode, I give you tips for how to hit pause on reacting to your pain, and instead move into the sea of suffering which leads to surrender, which unleashes rest and expectant joy knowing God has good things for you.
If you are ready to become the woman God says you already are, you have to join me in Clarity+Courage, my cost-effective coaching group for Christian women.
Learn more and enroll at www.myhappyvault.com/clarityandcourage
Questions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
You're listening to the Happiest Lives Podcast with Jill Lillard, episode number 38. Welcome to the Happiest Lives Podcast, where you'll learn to think better, feel better and become the woman God says you already are. Here's your host, jill Lillard Hello, hello everyone. Welcome back to the Happiest Lives Podcast. I'm so glad you're joining me as we continue this series.
Speaker 1:The Surrendered Self. Do you ever feel like every day is a battle? There's always something. You clear up one problem and your attention soon moves to a new one. Our brain loves problems, and so it will find a new problem as soon as one is resolved, or better yet. It will perpetuate a problem from the past that really doesn't even exist anymore. It will keep the past moving into the future, and so we keep spinning in the same problem. We strive, but never arrive. That is why it is really important to give your brain direction and a job to do, to be aware and intentional about what is going on between your ears. Life is hard, but so often we make it harder than it has to be when we forget who is waging the war and that Christ is the victor. We fight as though we could lose, and yet if you are under Christ, you have won already. This is why we must surrender our minds every day to the work of Christ. So how do we do that? What does it mean to surrender anyways? Here are some definitions I found in the Googles Surrender is to abandon or cast aside, to give oneself over to something or someone without restraint, to let go as a noun.
Speaker 1:It is the restoration of something lost or stolen to its proper owner and the action of submitting to an authority or powerful influence. This brings up some questions for me. If we surrender, what is being restored? What was lost? Who is the proper owner? Who are we giving ourselves over to without restraint? What does it look like to submit to an authority, and why would I want to do that? And what are we letting go of, casting aside and abandoning? If you listened to the previous two episodes in the series, I reminded you of the battle between the flesh and the spirit. We aren't fighting against people, nature or ourselves. The battle is one that is happening in a spiritual realm, created by God as His image bearers, but then given over to the power of sin and death.
Speaker 1:Jesus came to restore our identities. Jesus is the way to know the Father Creator and the One who is sovereign overall. So to surrender to Him is to restore your lost identity and the privileges of being His child. So, to answer one of the questions, this is who you are surrendering to and the ultimate reason why you would want to surrender. So what does it look like to submit to His authority?
Speaker 1:The only way to change your identity, where sin no longer defines you, is through a relationship with your Creator which comes through the person of Jesus Christ. And faith is the how it is how we enter into that relationship. We believe that's it. Without faith, it is impossible to be a new person. We cannot please God on our own.
Speaker 1:All of us have this sense that we must be better, do better, love better, and yet we can't. Our human capacity does not allow us to achieve what God has called us to be. We will always fall short and yet, because we are created as image bearers, we are wired with perfection in our DNA. The turning point is when we realize what a mess we are. We look at it, we acknowledge it. We will all of a yuck in shortcomings into the light and say, wow, that's a hot mess. But it doesn't stop there. When we are reminded of our sinfulness and surrender to our Savior, we find that His grace is always enough. Always Believing in Him, turning toward Him, fixating on His power and goodness. This shifts the trajectory for everything. Because of Jesus, we can move from despair and impossibility to expectant hope and rest.
Speaker 1:The Bible is full of examples of ordinary people doing extraordinary things because they trusted and surrendered to God. In last week's podcast, I focused on the example of Paul. Though his identity had been restored and he was zealous for God and wanted to please him, he fell short. He found himself doing what he did not want to do. How can this be? Well, though his identity had been changed, still a bounce here on earth and in the flesh. It reminds us of our need for Christ over and over again. So we do not become proud and rely on the flesh. And this way, like Paul, we are actively engaged in the coming who we already are, not through the works of the flesh, but by the Spirit of Christ living in us.
Speaker 1:Now, recognizing this predicament of being a hot mess. There are two things Paul did not do. He did not skip over the struggle of the flesh, justify it or minimize it. He didn't make excuses for himself or let himself off the hook. No, instead, he recognized it as sin living in him. Acknowledging this reality, he cried out what a wretched man I am. I hopeless, miserable, undeserving. But he didn't stop there. He turned his eyes toward Jesus. He let his misery be the cue to change his song from doom and gloom, a song of self, to a song of praise to our Lord Jesus. This is the heart of surrender. Just like Paul, we too can change our song, not by ignoring the first song, but by leaning into it and finding the grace and goodness of God.
Speaker 1:This requires a letting go, a giving up, but not losing hope, casting off and pressing on without throwing in the towel. As we trust God, we surrender our longings and desires how we think life should be. We are surrendering the need to control the world and resting in the assurance of a God who does. Surrender usually follows suffering, but it doesn't park there. Acknowledging our pain and surrendering to Jesus brings us to a peaceful place of hope and wonder. And yet so many of us can't get past the thinking about our misery and sitting in our poopy diapers. To surrender is to acknowledge we can't do it ourselves. We need help.
Speaker 1:Faith is trusting that someone can do for us what we can't. It requires a sense of helplessness, coming to a place of despair and hopelessness and recognizing we need Christ, we surrender. In contrast, when we rely on our own wisdom, thoughts and strength, we never really surrender ourselves. We're caught up in self-actualization, which cannot exist in a life dependent on Christ. It is only when we sink down into our helplessness that we learn to trust Jesus as our everything. When we move into our suffering and surrender to the Lord, we stop struggling. When we let go of our hurt, let go of offense, let go of the past, we enter the rest of God and are filled with a joyful expectation of good things. When we let go, we stop doing things as though it all depends on us. This is not to say we give up hope, energy or effort. We just gently channel it in a new direction.
Speaker 1:If you have been spinning in a cycle of despair and frustration, you are probably exhausted. But I have good news you can stop the spinning. You can enter the rest of God and be filled with a joyful expectation of victory. You don't have to know what or how God will show up, but you can trust his plans are good. He will complete what he started, and so today, I want to talk about what it looks like to let go without giving up.
Speaker 1:I thought about naming this episode the act of surrender because I know, if you are like me, you are always interested in the actions. The actions are the how. You may be asking how do I surrender? What does that look like? What are the activities? We're always eager to jump into the action line, and yet lasting change happens before we act differently. The act of surrender begins in the heart. If we start with actions, without a heart change, we can never really change. We can't sustain the change.
Speaker 1:I could have also named this episode SOS, the Sea of Suffering and Surrender, as surrender is preceded by pain. We must feel the pain of being human and lean into it. We get our eyes off of ourself and onto our savior. We cry out SOS. However, because we don't like to look at our wretchedness, so many of us do all we can to avoid feeling it. We numb out, gloss over it and shift from shame to blaming others. We sit on the shorelines of the mediocre complacent as a way of avoiding the sea of suffering. We avoid feeling, and yet the only way to surrender is to feel our wretchedness, our misery and be willing to let it go and receive something much more significant. We surrender having to know the how and final outcome to trusting the one who has already won the victory.
Speaker 1:If you and I have worked together, if you've done any of my coaching groups or listened to my podcast, you know that there is a process I teach my clients called the HeartScan. In fact, there's a four-part series on it, beginning with episode 23, if you want to go back and listen to it. The HeartScan is my observations of how people grow, how they mature in their lives, how they become more like Christ and move more towards perfection, which, remember, is always found in relationship with Jesus. In doing a HeartScan, we expose, renew, engage and press on. Those are the four parts, and today's podcast is relevant to the parts of engaging and pressing on. So, after you expose what is happening and why shining a light and how you are showing up in the world, you then renew your mind. You ask what else is possible. So let's say you have a model where you never feel good enough.
Speaker 1:This is a common model many of us struggle with, and I recently coached a woman in clarity and courage on this model, when she thinks she isn't good enough, she feels insecure. So we know our thought produces a chemical cascade and emotion, which is a feeling in our body. So we think I'm not good enough and we start to feel insecure. So she discovered, when she feels insecure, that she starts to judge other people. So our feelings are going to fuel certain actions. She also becomes more standoffish and she fixates on her shortcomings. She then will find herself getting lost in her thoughts about herself and criticisms of others that she thinks are judging her, and so she'll spend a lot of time assessing and doubting herself, which does not leave much time, energy or space to show up in a way that taps into her gifts. She's not really being her true self and the result that this creates. Those actions are going to create something in her life, which is that she proves she is not good enough, and she even proves that other people aren't good enough.
Speaker 1:So when I was coaching this lady, we then looked at her intentional model, and so this is the renew part of heart scanning. So she plugged a truth in that she believed from God's word, and that truth was, I am, fearfully and wonderfully made. As she sat in that truth for a few moments she could feel secure. She could feel what that felt like in her body. So I asked her how she would have shown up in that same situation if she felt secure, rather than thinking that she wasn't good enough, which created feelings of insecurity. She said she would have been a whole different person. Her mind and energy would not have been fixated on herself or finding fault with others. Instead, she would have enjoyed the gathering. She would have connected with other people and lovingly served them, using the ways God had gifted her the new result she would find evidence that she was fearfully and wonderfully made. So it's not unusual to coach my clients and they tell me that they know the truth, that they can believe it in their head. And in this case, the truth was that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.
Speaker 1:And yet she would keep finding herself in the old model, the paradigm of I'm not good enough. Do you do that too? You keep finding yourself in an old way of thinking and feeling that you know doesn't end well. Though you see your thoughts aren't true or helpful, you are stuck in a place where your energy has been trying to avoid or resist the terrible feelings that come up, or indulging in the lies. The result is you are stuck like a scratched record on skip. You're trapped in the thought you've been trying to outrun. And so with this client, with that not good enough model. She asked how do I stop living in this model? I've done it over and over again. I know the truth, but I keep finding myself in the lies again. When she asks, I remember Paul. Oh, what a wretched man am I. And then his turning point thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. And then there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Speaker 1:This is the third part of heart scanning, where we engage, because our lives are all about a relationship. This is my favorite part. It is where it all comes together. It is the heart of a changed life and we find it when we engage. So if you're struggling to move or stay in a new intentional model, then you have to go back to the unintentional model and allow yourself to move from the shoreline of uncomfortable but familiar into the sea of suffering. This is the space in between where you are and where you want to be For her. It is the space between not good enough and fearfully and wonderfully made. This is the space where we engage.
Speaker 1:I call it the SOS, the sea of suffering which turns into the sea of surrender, powering your way into a new truth without fully filling the misery of the old thought. You're gonna find yourself back in the old model. This is because God is calling you to really be changed and it cannot happen outside of being changed by him. And we can't be changed by him if we don't have a relationship with him. And we can't have a relationship with him if we aren't engaging with him in a meaningful way. Now you may clearly have a relationship with God, the same way you may be married and have a relationship with your husband, but do you really have a relationship with him? An intimate relationship is often found in the fire of difficulty. We may have to come to that place where we move past defensiveness and criticisms into surrender With Christ. We must really come to know what his grace is about. We must come to really know what it is to depend on him and need him every hour. I've had clients who've known the Lord their whole lives, but it will be 30 years later that they encounter him in a way where they see their own wretchedness and experience the grace of God in a very moving and powerful way.
Speaker 1:Another model that I see in coaching women is the disappointment model. Now, this model is like a bad, sad song we keeps listening to over and over again. It goes like this we want to feel things like affirmed, appreciated, loved, supported, connected, desired, and we believe someone else is withholding this from us because they aren't loving us the way that we want. And so oftentimes this is our husbands, but maybe it's somebody else in your life. Maybe they aren't speaking your love language, though you've told them 5,000 times what it is. Perhaps they don't process things and express themselves in a way that feels compatible with you. It could be that they don't take the same initiative that you take in the relationship.
Speaker 1:So we tell ourselves the story that our personalities are different or we have nothing in common anymore. Or perhaps we even have created the story that they are just being a jerk or they're a villain and we are a victim. But the result is the same we're disappointed. We may blame them and hold on to our resentment, which defiles us and many. We may try to control or change them, or simply detach and disconnect. We may become hyper-vigilant or swing to the other end of the continuum where we suppress who we are. We suppress our desires and wants. The bottom line is we live in frustration, hurt and disappointment, which may turn into bitterness, superiority and unforgiveness.
Speaker 1:Another model is the defeated model. We want to stop yelling at our kids, wasting our time. We want to quit overspending, overeating. We want to quit complaining and talking negative about other people. We want to be more patient and kind person, but we keep showing up in a way that doesn't measure up to our expectations for ourselves or what we think God would want. We overdesire things that don't serve us in the long haul, we feel powerless and we may be dwelling in a place of guilt and shame.
Speaker 1:So, whether you find yourself in the model of not good enough, disappointment or defeat, or another model altogether, I want to show you what it looks like to pause that model without rushing into a place where it's just all rainbows and unicorns. I want to show you how to pause, move into the suffering and surrender, for when you surrender, you enter the rest of God and you leave with an expectant joy. So in the model I shared earlier, the pause begins with a thought I'm not good enough, or maybe you're already swimming in that feeling of insecurity or acting it out, either by buffering away the feeling or shopping online, withdrawing from others, finding fault with those you think accuse you. As soon as you notice you're in this model, hit, pause. In the same way you would stop, drop and roll if you were on fire. I want you to just stop Now. Instead of trying to swap thought, which has not worked for you so far, let's just sit in this model for a moment, allowing ourselves to feel the suffering. You may have modeled this thought one million times, so you don't need to model it again. You simply have to shine a light on it and say, hey, I see you. Sneaky thought and pause. If you have done an insecure model for years, it's time to capture the thought and say I see you and I just don't do you anymore, I don't do good enough anymore, or whatever. That thought and feeling is.
Speaker 1:When we move into the suffering without buffering it, but instead feel it. This is where the Holy Spirit can move. I'm reminded how Jesus always found the quiet places. He was constantly ministering to the crowd, but he was always finding a way to retreat from the noise and be still. He knew he needed fellowship with the Lord, so let your unintentional model be a cue to pause and go to the quiet places. Invite the Lord into your despair. Envision him there beside you as you feel the insecurity, defeat or disappointment.
Speaker 1:The Psalms offers some great prayer templates, as they genuinely express unwanted emotion descending into the suffering. Then turn toward the Lord and ascend up to his faithfulness and goodness. The focus moves from self to our Savior. We can follow the same pattern of descent and ascent as we bring our emotions and securities and worries to God With praise and thanksgiving. We present our request to Him. We let go of what we've been holding on to, which includes that unintentional model. We may be holding on to the disappointment. We hold on to the past. We hold on to the grudges and unforgiveness. We hold on to self-sufficiency Until we have decided we are ready to let go. We've had enough of it. We've stayed here long enough. And once we're ready to loosen our grip, we come willingly to God asking Him to take our burdens, asking Him to help us surrender. We then change our song from Woe is Me to Great is the Lord. This positions us to press on despite our unwanted emotions, and move into our new intentional models.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we're afraid of leaving the shorelines of what is familiar to us. We say we hate it there, but we stay because we are afraid of really trusting God. Maybe you hold on to the old model because you think if you move into the suffering and let go, you won't get what you really want, that you will end up with the short end of the stick. And yet we know that we can trust in the goodness of God. If we ask for the Holy Spirit, he will not give us a snake. When we ask for good things, he will not give us something that brings us harm. Maybe you are in that river of misery, holding on to that flotation device because you believe you're going to drown if you let it go. And yet the Lord wants to rescue you. When we surrender to Him, we receive an expectant hope of something good. He will do what we have asked Him to do or he will do something better. This requires an element of faith, as what ahead is unknown. However, when we take our eyes off the water, we get our eyes off the storm and instead we focus on the Lord's goodness and faithfulness. We begin to walk on water. When we quit obsessing with ourselves and our problems, we free our energy to sing songs of praise and joy.
Speaker 1:I believe God has good things for you. You don't have to make it all happen, but you must be willing to participate in what he will do by offering Him your mind, your thought, your beliefs, your faith. It does not all depend on you. So often we start by the Spirit but then we fall back into works of the flesh. If you've tried a billion times to do and be better, it's time to surrender and give it to Jesus. This is very different than trying to white-knuckle your way into a new model. I believe the Lord will surprise you with so many wonderful things, but there has to be the letting go. You have to get out of the way. I pray that your prayer would be that God would break the stronghold of not good enough, disappointment, defeat, despair, whatever it is, and as you look toward Him and turn toward Him, I know that he is faithful. I hope you guys enjoyed today's podcast and we will finish up the series on the Surrendered Self next week as we talk about becoming our true selves.